Without You
by on sleepless roads
Summary: Ga Eul gets a glimpse of a life without Yi Jeong and it's up to her to decide which life is worth it.


**Well, I am just on a roll with these one shots. Hope you guys don't mind me being too inspired. xP**

She lost all power of keeping her tears as soon as she closed the door to his studio. She just wanted to breakdown right there, let the tears flow freely for once. But she wouldn't, she didn't want him seeing her in that state, looking all pathetic in front of his studio. No, she wasn't going to do that and he wasn't getting the benefit of seeing her like that, either. She was supposed to be past that stage, she was supposed to be stronger. So with every ounce of energy left in her body, she ran home. She didn't take a cab, or call for a ride, she ran. She liked the feeling of the wind on her face, liked how the resistance temporarily dried the tears. But she knew that once she stopped, they would start falling again. So she didn't stop, not even once. She ran all the way back to her apartment, not minding the people she bumped into and the objects she hit. All that mattered was that she gets home, where no one would see her cry the night away.

She gets home in record time and the first thing she does is raid her refrigerator. This was one of those times she's thankful that she has left her parents' house, one because she didn't need to answer questions about why she was crying and why she ran all the way home (she doesn't think she can anyway and knowing them, they would probably freak out and think she was involved in something depressing and illegal) and two, because she had the freedom to stock the fridge with anything she liked. She quickly took the whole ice cream tub from the freezer, Choco Peanut, her favorite. She needs the sugar and maybe somehow it would make her forget all the bitterness of tonight. She sits on her couch and attacks the frozen desert. She could actually feel the excess weight she was going to put on after finishing this, one more thing to blame So Yi Jeong for.

While eating her ice cream, Ga Eul sits there and thinks back on her life and contemplates on how it ever got this way. She never, in a million years, expected to have a life like this. No, she has always imagined herself meeting her soul mate and knowing at once that he was the one, and then they'd get married and live happily ever after. They'd have kids and a house with a white picket fence and have a perfect cookie cutter married life. She didn't think she'd be single for four years because she held on to a stupid promise made by a stupid Casanova. And now he was back and yet he was still giving her the same amount of grief he did four years ago. How dare he, anyway, make her cry like this? God, she doesn't remember a time in the last years of her life that she cried for something that _didn't _involve him. It always did. He was always the source of all her anger, all her sadness and all her tears. Even when they weren't even in the same country, she cried over him. How pathetic could she get? That's when she realizes where her life went wrong. It was the moment So Yi Jeong walked into the porridge shop and dragged her to his studio.

"I wish I had never met you, So Yi Jeong!" she yells to no one in particular. She just had to get that out of her. It doesn't make her feel better though as she feels the sobs come even stronger now. She allows this, knowing no one would see her, knowing she needed this kind of release. She continues to cry up to the point that the ice cream tastes like her tears already. She puts it away and cries even harder. She rests her forehead to her knees which were propped up her chest.

"Are you sure?" She jumps in her seat as she hears a voice. She looks up and stares wide eyed at the person in front of her. God, she must be losing it. She rubs her eyes, thinking the hallucination would disappear. To her horror, she stayed. She tries again. Then again. Then again until her eyes started to hurt.

"I'm not going to magically disappear, dear. Stop hurting yourself." The girl said. Ga Eul took time to take in her appearance. It was weird being called 'dear' by someone who looked like she was barely thirteen years old. She was in pyjamas and fluffy slippers, her hair in pigtails. She had a teddy bear on her hand and she looked like a typical kid about to head to bed. But she was in her apartment, appearing out of nowhere. And there was nothing typical about that.

"You know it's rude to stare?" that snapped Ga Eul out of her state. The fact that some _kid, _some stranger was in her apartment at-she checks her watch-eleven in the evening finally dawned on her.

"Wh-who are you?" she asks, hesitantly. Was she really going to consider the fact that this girl was real? She must have taken too much sugar. She was probably experiencing a very different kind of sugar high.

"Well, finally you ask! I'm Milly." She extends her hand and Ga Eul just looks at it. Then she looks back up at the girl who just introduced herself as 'Milly'. Quite a weird name, if you ask her. It sounded like silly. Silly Milly. That was funny.

"I can hear you, you know." She didn't even realize she was saying those things out loud. Oh God, what was wrong with her? First, she gets weird hallucinations and now she talks without realizing it. She won't be surprised if she suddenly just pee in her pants without her realizing it, too.

"Where did you come from?" she had to ask. Ga Eul was pretty sure that a pyjama clad girl appearing in her apartment doesn't really go along the lines of normal, but she had to come from somewhere, right?

"Not important. What's important is that you answer my question: are you sure?" Ga Eul scrunched her nose at Milly's question. Sure about what?

"Sure about what?" She asks, intending, this time, to voice out her thoughts.

"About wishing that you've never met So Yi Jeong. Are you sure?" she asks again and Ga Eul is taken aback by her question. She did say that. She actually screamed it just a little while ago. But why was she asking this?

"Why?"

"Again, not important. You should really just answer my question." For someone who had bunt slippers on, she sure was bossy.

"Yes." Ga Eul answers. She _was _serious about saying that. She can bet that her life would have been so damn easier if Yi Jeong never came into her life.

"Okay then. We are going somewhere, my friend." Milly grabs her hand and drags her out of her own front door.

"Woah, woah, woah! Where are we going?" she breaks away from her hold and towers over the little girl. Milly had her hands to her hips.

"You sure do have a knack for asking questions, don't you?" she snaps at Ga Eul.

"Well, I'm sorry for wondering why some _kid_ is dragging me out of my own house!" she snaps back. Ga Eul doesn't appreciate fuzzy slippers here yelling at her.

"Ok fine! I guess it's weird to have me here but if you just go with me you'll see that I am sow worth putting up with." she tells Ga Eul. Ga Eul considers this for a while, weighing down her options. A, she could march back to her house and finish her ice cream, although it was probably all melted out by now or B, she could go with Milly and see for herself what she's talking about. Milly doesn't give her time to decide.

"Let's go!" she takes her arm again but this time they don't walk anywhere. This time, Ga Eul feels herself spin in her place, Milly's hold tight on her. And then they stop. Ga Eul looks around; she wasn't in front of her apartment anymore. No, definitely not.

--

Ga Eul would have recognized the place anywhere even if she hasn't been her in about five years or so. The white sand, the sunny weather, the crystal blue water and the French people around her…she was in New Caledonia. Though why she was there and how the hell she got there, she didn't have a clue.

"Do you know where you are?" Milly, who is standing beside her, asks. Ga Eul nods.

"New Caledonia. I've been here before, with Jan Di and the F4." She informs Milly. She just nods her head and walks ahead, gesturing for Ga Eul to follow. Ga Eul follows Milly and they stop right in the middle of the sand.

"Aren't you hot, Milly? You're in flannel pyjamas at a beach." She tells the girl. Milly just laughs.

"You're in jeans and a sweater, Ga Eul. Do you feel warm?" Ga Eul just then realizes that yes, she was in winter clothes. But she doesn't feel warm, not at all.

"No, I don't. Why's that?"

"There you go with the questions again! Seriously Ga Eul, would you just keep quiet and look around you?" Ga Eul shuts up and does what she was told. Something about that little girl was scary to her. Come to think of it, Milly reminded Ga Eul of her mother.

"The F4 are right there! But hey, where's Jan Di? And Gu Jun Pyo?" She points to the three boys a few meters away from them. Unlike all her other questions, Milly seems pleased with this one.

"They didn't come." She answered.

"What do you meant they didn't come? They did! I should know, I was there."

"That's the thing, you weren't. Do you remember why you were brought here at that time?" Ga Eul doesn't need to think about that. Somehow all her memories with the F4 were very clear to her.

"This was time that Gu Jun Pyo was pursuing Jan Di. He brought me along so Jan Di would come and wouldn't get bored."

"Do you remember who picked you up?" Ga Eul nods. How could she forget? Yi Jeong had tricked her into thinking that Jan Di was in trouble and so she willingly went with him, only to find out the Casanova was pulling her leg.

"Well, since you and Yi Jeong never met, Jan Di never agreed to go. Jun Pyo didn't go either, of course." She informs Ga Eul. She doesn't get the significance of this until she remembers the main even of their trip here.

"Which means Jun Pyo sunbae never caught Jan Di and Ji Hu sunbae kiss. Which means it's a good thing!" It was a good thing. The F4 never broke up, it means. So was what Milly wanted her to see? That life without Yi Jeong was so much better for her, and the others, than a life with him? Well, she already figured that out.

"Well, I guess. Ready to go to our next destination?" Once again, Milly doesn't wait for a reply and grabs on to Ga Eul. They do that spinning thing again and Ga Eul finds herself this time in an unfamiliar place.

--

"That's…me." Milly nods. They were outside a club and Ga Eul looks around Milly could see that she doesn't remember it, but she should. This was the club where she and Yi Jeong had their first 'fake' date.

"Is that Soo Pyo? Why the hell am I with him?" she sees herself wrap an around Soo Pyo's and her other self just wants to puke. And oh good Lord, what was she wearing?

"Well, since you never met Yi Jeong, you and Soo Pyo didn't break up because you chose to stay with him even after you found out he was just playing you." Ga Eul appears shocked at that information. Milly has got to be fluffing. Even without Yi Jeong, she still wouldn't go back to the arms of that creep.

"That's impossible. I would never…"

"Are you sure? Because in this lifetime, instead of being with Yi Jeong, you take yourself to Soo Pyo's club and dress differently and when he noticed you, instead of pretending that you don't know him, you went with him and since then, you guys have been together." Ga Eul isn't sure she can take this kind of information. Because there was no way in hell she was stupid enough to give Soo Pyo a second chance. Right?

"You have got to be kidding. Why would I go out again with someone who cheated on me?"

"Do you remember what happened when Yi Jeong saw you crying on the street?" Ga Eul nods her head.

"Do you remember what he told you?" Ga Eul nods again. Yi Jeong had lectured her about getting back up after getting her heart broken. He made her over and he made here feel that she was worth so much more than how Soo Pyo was treating her.

"Well, without that knowledge, you didn't really value yourself enough to stay away. " Ga Eul couldn't believe her ears. But then again, it made sense. It was Yi Jeong who gave her slight confidence in herself, but then broke it all over gain when he rejected her that Valentine's Day.

"Ok, on to our next stop." And they spin.

--

Ga Eul knew exactly where they were. They were at the porridge shop, with her standing beside a very sad Jan Di. She hears their conversation.

"You mean Jun Pyo sunbae arrived already? And he's engaged?" Ga Eul shakes her head at herself. Jun Pyo sunbae couldn't be engaged. He got engaged here in Korea. She turns to Milly.

"How could Jun Pyo sunbae be engaged? Jan Di went to Macau and he wasn't engaged then." She tells Milly.

"Well, Jan Di didn't go to Macau."

"What? Why?" How could she not have gone to Macau?

"Do you remember how she got the money for Macau? Well, since you and Yi Jeong were never meant to meet, the whole F3 helping you and Jan Di out by selling porridge didn't happen." She explains. Ga Eul thinks about this but then realizes there was still one flaw.

"That doesn't explain why he's already engaged."

"Jan Di and Jae Kyung met in Macau, right? But since Jan Di wasn't there, Jae Kyung was able to meet her parents on time and be introduced as Jun Pyo's fiancé." She explained once more. Ga Eul still didn't look convinced.

"Still, Madam President would still have wanted to announce it at Jun Pyo's party with Jan Di there." She reasoned.

"That really wasn't the case anymore since Jan Di was never in Macau so Jun Pyo's mother didn't think she was still a threat at that time." Ga Eul thinks about this again. That really could have been possible. She looks at Jan Di and her heart breaks for her best friend. She mentally whispers an apology to Jan Di before they spin away to another place.

--

Ga Eul finds herself in Gu Jun Pyo and Ha Jae Kyung's wedding. Just right after they say 'I do' to each other. She almost didn't want to ask.

"You and Yi Jeong never went on your fake date to get Jun Pyo and Jan Di together. Plus, Jan Di never became friends with Jae Kyung so she wasn't really invited for this. Considering all those factors, the wedding happened." Milly knew Ga Eul didn't want to know that. But she needed to. Ga Eul turns around and this time, she was the one who held on to Milly first. She didn't want to stay here anymore.

--

The quiet atmosphere of the wedding disappears and is replaced by loud music. Ga Eul looks around and immediately recognizes the environment. They were at a club, and it seems like the party was at full blast. She continues to look around, they must have a reason for being here. And then she spots him, girls surrounding him, drinks in both hands.

"Yi Jeong sunbae…" she calls out softly, knowing he couldn't hear her either way. She watches him pour more drinks in his glass, downing them as if he was drinking iced tea.

"Why is he drinking so much?" she asks Milly, although quite afraid of the answer.

"He found out about his brother and Eun Jae…eight moths ago." Ga Eul's eyes widen. Eight months ago? He couldn't still be hung up on that. No, she doesn't remember him being a drunk for an incredibly long time.

"No, that can't be. He got over it. He was depressed for a while, yes…but after he saw that billboard…" she stopped herself. She didn't to see the knowing look on Milly's face to realize what she was going to tell her.

"Do you remember who was there to help him move on?"

_I was._

"But we never met." She concluded for Milly, a solitary tear running down her cheek.

--

"Okay, Ga Eul, this is our second to the last stop." Ga Eul took a look around his studio. She almost didn't recognize it with the absence of his works. All of them except for a long vase at the center of one table.

"Why is it empty?" she asks, although she already knew the answer. They hear someone come in. Ga Eul sees Yi Jeong look around his studio the same way she did. His hand was on a cast, she remembers that cast. She also remembers that look on his face. He was sad and angry and Ga Eul just wanted to run up to him. He sat down on one of the benches and Ga Eul's heart broke into a million pieces as she watched him lash out and throw the vase at the wall, breaking it.

"He gave up pottery. He didn't even try to make his hand work again." Milly tells Ga Eul. She wipes the tears away from her eyes. She really didn't know why this was happening, why she was seeing these things. But she wanted it to stop, all of it. It was starting to become too much and if she stayed in this universe any longer, she would crack.

"We still have one more place to go. This time we're going to the future, the future you wanted."

--

Ga Eul couldn't help but admire the white picket fence in front of her. Was this supposed to be her house? Her question was answered as she saw her future self walk in door.

"You broke up with Soo Pyo and you met your so-called 'soulmate'. You guys got married and you live here." Ga Eul follows Milly inside. She looks around the place and is amazed by the fact that this was the kind of house she dreamed when she was younger. She saw family pictures of them all around the house, they were all studio pictures, the ones they were obliged to have. She noticed how they didn't have pictures at soccer games or at parties, like the ones her parents had at home.

"Why is it so quiet?" she asks Milly. Milly shrugs and answers.

"You guys are so alike that you never fight." Instead of comfort, Ga Eul feels weird about that. They never fight? Never? They hear someone come in the front door. Ga Eul sees her husband for the first time and she immediately notices the absence of the butterflies in her stomach when she does, contrary to the first time her eyes set on Yi Jeong. The husband passes future Ga Eul but he doesn't seem even acknowledge her. Ga Eul doesn't look like she minds being ignored.

"Have you seen enough?" Milly asks, seemingly too eager to leave. Ga Eul couldn't be on her side more. She nods her head and Milly holds on to her.

--

In a one swift spin, they are back at Ga Eul's house. Ga Eul immediately sits down on her couch, only now realizing her exhaust.

"So that marks the end of your journey. Now I'm giving you a choice." Ga Eul stands up for this one.

"What kind of choice?" she asks Milly. Milly had put on her serious face.

"I can give you the chance to live the life that I had shown you. You saw how good that was; no Yi Jeong meant no complications for you. You end up with someone perfect and you get a white picket fence. Or…" Ga Eul holds her breath.

"You can have your old life. The one filled with heartbreak, fighting and Yi Jeong. The one where you don't have a sure future and your life is filled with complications. Your call." Yes, her call. Ga Eul paces the room. Was this really something she needed to think about? Without Yi Jeong, she'd have the life she always wanted to have. But without Yi Jeong, she'd really have no life at all. She saw the way her future husband just passed her, she didn't want that. That wasn't what she wanted at all.

"Yi Jeong sunbae has brought me a lot of grief and hurt for the past years I've known him. But he's also been the source of my best days, my happiest days…" Milly smiled, ready for her answer.

"And I wouldn't change that for the world." Milly couldn't contain herself and rushed over to Ga Eul to give her a hug. Ga Eul was taken aback by this action but hugged her back as well.

"What made you decide to pick him?" Milly asks. Ga Eul thinks about this. Was it because Jan Di and Jun Pyo would not have ended up together? Was it because he would have ended up drunk and depressed? All those things meant a lot but one thing had the biggest impact on her.

"It was the butterflies, definitely the butterflies." Milly smiles brightly and steps away. Ga Eul knew it was time for her to leave now, her work was done. And she had done a very good job at it, too.

"I'll be going now. Don't you guys screw this up for me!" Before Ga Eul could ask what she meant by that, she was gone.

"_I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too. Either way, I've found out, I'm nothing without you."- Kelly Clarkson, My Life Would Suck Without You_

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